Nothing much...Just bored

Maybe one of these will muster a smile for somebody:

A man was fishing on the river, and putting the fish that he caught into a cooler with about 4 inches of water in the bottom. After he had caught 10 or 12, he decided to head home. Just as he was getting to his truck, a game warden stopped him and asked to see in the cooler. He said sure, and lifted the lid to expose a dozen large Brook Trout
.
The game warden looked at him and asked, "What do you have to say for your self?"

The fella looked at him and said, "I was just taking my pet trout for a swim in the river."

"Your pet trout?" exclaimed the Warden.

"Yeah, I take them down to the river once a week, and let them swim around for an hour or so. Then I whistle to them, and they swim back into the cooler so I can take them back home."

"Sure they do." said the Warden.

"Want to see?" asked the guy.

"Yeah, I do."

OK" said the guy, and he walked down and dumped the cooler into the river. They both stood and watched as the fish swam away into the current.

The warden stood there for a minute and said, "Well, whistle to them."

"Who?" asked the man.

"Your fish."

"What fish?" asked the man.

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A hunter from the city bagged a big buck deer. Just about that time, the game warden arrived and asked if the hunter had a hunting license. The hunter said he didn't have a license, so the game warden had to take the hunter and the deer to town.The game warden helped the hunter drag the 300-pound deer out to the road--at which point the hunter exclaimed,


"I just remembered--I do have a hunting license after all."

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Boudreaux, a Cajun highlander from Rapides Parish in central Louisiana, was an older, single gentleman, who was born and raised a Baptist, living in South Louisiana. Each Friday night after work, he would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak.
Now, all of Boudreaux's neighbors were Catholic... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Fridays. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest. The priest came to visit Boudreaux, and suggested that Boudreaux convert to Catholicism.
After several classes and much study, Boudreaux attended Mass... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, "You were born a Baptist and raised a Baptist, but now you are Catholic."

Boudreaux's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Boudreaux's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped in amazement and watched.
There stood Boudreaux, clutching a small bottle of water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat, and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, and you wuz raised a deer, but now you a catfish."

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Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit
and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
_____

Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas,
beans, etc., make up "a mess."
_____

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of
"yonder."
_____

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, ... As in: "Going
to town, be back directly."
_____

Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the
white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the
middle of the table.
_____

All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the
term, but they know the concept well.
_____

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a
neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl
of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also
know to add a large banana puddin!
_____

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and
"a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile
or 20.
_____

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn
signal is actually going to make a turn.
_____

A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an
adverb.
_____

Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines ... And when we're
"in line", We talk to everybody!
_____

Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're
related, even if only by marriage.
_____

In the South, y'all is singular .... All y'all is plural.
_____

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
_____

Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are
perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that
fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
_____

When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you
are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
_____

Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea
indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened.
"Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
_____

And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old
ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart"...
And go your own way.
_____

And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this
Southern stuff ... Bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have
classes on Southernness as a second language!
_____

And for those who are not from the South but have lived here for a long
time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I
ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could"