Two more...just because

Baptists and Methodists

A little boy was walking down a dirt road after church one Sunday
afternoon when he came to a crossroads where he met a little girl
coming from the other direction.
"Hello" said the little boy.
"Hi" replied the little girl.
"Where are you going"? asked the little boy.
"I've been to church this morning and I'm on my way home",
answered the little girl.
"Me too", replied the little boy. "I'm also on my way home from
church".
"Which church do you go to?" asked the little boy.
"I go to the Baptist church back down the road" replied the
little girl. "What about you?"
"I go to the Methodist church back at the top of the hill",
replied the little boy.
They discover that they are both going the same way so they
decided that they'd walk together.
They came to a low spot in the road where spring rains had
partially flooded the road so there was no way that they could get
across to the other side without getting wet.
"If I get my new Sunday dress wet my Mom's going to skin me alive"
said the little girl.
"My Mom'll tan my hide too if I get my new Sunday suit wet", replied
the little boy.

"I tell you what I think I'll do" said the little girl. "I'm gonna
pull off all my clothes and hold them over my head and wade across".
"That's a good idea", replied the little boy. "I'm going to do the same
thing with my suit".
So they both undressed and waded across to the other side without
getting their clothes wet. They were standing there in the sun
waiting to drip dry before putting their clothes back on when the
little boy finally remarked.
"You know, I never did realize before just how much difference there
really is between a Baptist and a Methodist".

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Life's Lessons from an old farmer

1. Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

2. Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.

3. Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

4. A bumblebee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

5. Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

6. Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

7. Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

8. Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

9. It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

10. You cannot unsay a cruel word.

11. Every path has a few puddles.

12. When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

13. The best sermons are lived, not preached.

14. Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen
anyway.

15. Don't judge folks by their relatives.

16. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

17. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think
back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

18. Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none.

19. Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

20. If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop
diggin'.

21. Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

22. The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal
with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.

23. Always drink upstream from the herd.

24. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes
from bad judgment.

25. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than
puttin' it back in.

26. If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence,
try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

27. Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly.
Leave the rest to God.